Is it rude if I bring something to eat to a family gathering?

My partner's father and stepmother invited us and his other siblings and their partners/children to their house for the 26th December to celebrate the second Christmas Day. His stepmother will be cooking for all the guests (around ten people). I asked my partner if I should bring something, like a dessert or salad, and he said that we weren't supposed to bring anything except "Hunger". I told him that in my culture it's rude to be invited and not contribute anything, but he said that it would be an insult to his stepmother if I brought food because she will be cooking all day. I'm German, but I'm not familiar with all the customs here. In the past, when I brought food to German friends or my ex-partner, they thought it was thoughtful. We have agreed on a "Gastgebergeschenk," but I'm wondering if it's really an insult if I bring food to a family gathering. His stepmother is from Brazil and has been living in Germany for seven years. She always brings something to family gatherings. I would only bring food as an addition to what she is cooking, not to replace it.

Ask your partner if food is provided, if they say yes, don't bring anything. If they mention something else is missing, you could bring that.

I would bring either a bottle of wine or champagne, and/or flowers.

It's okay to give a small gift. If you know the culture of the person you're giving the gift to, it's a nice idea to give something that they wouldn't expect. The gesture is more important than the cost of the gift.

If she doesn't want you to bring something, it would be rude to do so. However, you could ask her if you and your partner can come earlier to help her out with the cooking or dish preparation. If you'd like to bring a gift for her, ask your partner if she has a preference for wine, sweets, or something similar.

Do I know what to do? They aren't German. But for Germans, there is no rule about bringing something. We would usually talk about it ahead of time and everyone would be given an assignment. In progressive German families, you might be able to suggest something to contribute. If I tell you that I have already planned to make enough for everyone, you don't have to bring anything, though you can if you want.

It would be an insult to his stepmother to bring food for the meal, since she'll be working hard in the kitchen all day.

Thank you for the information! That's exactly what he said. Is giving a present considered rude?

Bringing a small gift is totally fine for Christmas. If you enjoy sweets, why not bring some chocolates or other treats from home? Just enough to give a taste of your home - nothing over the top. That way, you'll be happy and your partner's parents won't be insulted.

I agree that there is no obstacle to openly discussing this. It can even be a way of getting to know each other better and having a great time. Our habits and manners should not get in the way - they're just habits and manners after all!

If I invite you, it's best to ask me what you can bring. Stick to what I say - if I say bring something, do that, or if I say not to bring anything, come empty-handed. If I do want you to bring something, chocolates, wine or homemade Christmas cookies are good options.

Bring some wine; it will be appreciated.

You can offer to bring either a dessert or a starter. Depending on the situation, it may be an addition to the main dessert or starter. Alternatively, you could bring a wine if that's consumed.

My partner explained the situation to me due to German culture, which is why I asked in the first place. I apologize for not mentioning that. I'm grateful for your input; it's true that Germans usually discuss everything beforehand, which I'm not used to. Thank you! The only person who isn't German is my stepmother, who is from Brazil.

I realized I didn't make it clear in my post, but what I meant was an addition, not a replacement. Thank you. I'll edit that.

It is not advisable to bring food, but you can bring drinks. Alternatively, you can ask if you are allowed to come early and help with the preparation, or offer to help after dinner if you want to feel helpful.

Thanks for your response! I was worried I might have offended my German friends by bringing food. I understand now that it depends on the group. I'm quite shy, so I'm embarrassed to ask her directly. You and the others suggested bringing a "Mitbringsel" as an alternative, which is helpful for me. I'm going to ask her at dinner how to handle this situation in the future, but I'm nervous. Thank you again!

Bring some wine from Brazil.

When visiting a German family, it's customary to offer to bring something. The host usually cooks, but they may say yes to a cake or other item. Even if the host says it's not necessary, it's still polite to offer, and no one would be mad if you bring something. Your mother-in-law may have their own preference, so it's best to ask them directly. Small gifts like wine, flowers, or chocolates are always welcome.

Every year, my big family celebrates Christmas together. We divide the work: one family cooks the meat, one brings an appetiser, one makes dessert, and one or two make side dishes. If you know your mother-in-law well, you could offer to bring something that takes a lot of effort but is not too filling.

It can be difficult to know what to do in this situation. Generally, it's best not to bring food unless it's been requested. However, if you'd like to contribute, you could offer to help prepare the food. This is usually appreciated, but don't insist if your offer is declined.

That's a great suggestion. I won't be rude or offensive. Thanks!